In every generation, there are those who stand out. Those few men and women but mostly men because that’s how this fucked up society works (assholes).
What? Oh right. Those brave few decide to take on the world and do things that normal people are too frightened or too smart to try. It is thanks to these few that we, as human beings, learn about stuff and then put it into textbooks.
I know such a man. His initials (for privacy sake on the internet) are J. P. Learn them well, for you will be hearing about his feats. Ha, I almost put feets. Ok, but seriously.
This brave, lovely, ridiculous fool has declared that he will…
Double. Down.
Oh yes. Oh yes. I am referring to the latest barfest from that bastion of civilized society KFC. Kentucky Fried Chicken. See, it’s never enough for the old Colonel to just stagnate on fried to bits ass chicken and rotten coleslaw. He needs to challenge his users and this is his latest evil attempt to get people to straight drop dead on the dirty tile.
It’s not the first time the old bastard has driven us to our homes to eat in the dark. In fact, the best selling KFC item (I’m told, not really confirmed because, meh, that’s work) is the Bowl Of SHAME.
Ugh. Ok, look, have I, on occasion (read: pregnant or drunk, never both people, never both) had a few chicken strips and maybe some mashed potatoes with a side of corn? Sure. I have. We all have. However, you know what? Throwing all that shit in a bowl? No. That’s like wearing sweatpants before Saturday and marrying your cousin.
And now, in addition to the bowl, I present the Double Down:
I’m not even making this up. It’s chicken, smashed onto more chicken, with a bunch of mayonnaise masquerading as lettuce in-between them. Then, naturally, add bacon.
And today, or maybe tomorrow – he didn’t really say. JP will take that challenge. He’s like Christopher Columbus. Only instead of discovering a continent, he may be able to tell us what the inside of the new Norman Regional looks like.
God speed JP. I will take care of your many cats when you stroke out on Highway 77.
7 comments
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May 25, 2010 at 8:50 am
Elisa
Mike had one and is in love with them! He thinks they are the best invention since, well, since the mashed potato/chicken/corn/cheese bowl. I really don’t want to be a widow or a single mom…we need to have an intervention!
May 25, 2010 at 8:59 am
Danny
Mike likes it? Now I want to try it.
It reminds me of that episode of The Simpsons where Homer finds his long lost brother who runs a car company and he has Homer design a car for an everyday man. It’s like the Colonel asked his drunk overweight brother what he wants to eat and the Double Down is what he came up with.
Is there even a KFC in Norman anymore? The one at Alameda and 12th is a pile of metal now.
Good Luck, J.P.
May 25, 2010 at 9:21 am
winklybink
Oh god, you want to try it? You are crazy. Mike is crazy too. He likes Burger King in an unironic way. Still, if anyone is built to handle the Double Down it’s Mike. He’s like a new level of human, one that can eat that crap and not keel over.
I will admit something though – I love me some Bueno!! Mexi chips and dips, mmmmm! Potato burrito? Yes please!
May 25, 2010 at 9:42 am
Elisa
Yes, the KFC at 12th and Alameda got torn down, but not to worry, a new one will be up in it’s place in no time! In the meantime, head to Lindsey street for your KFC fix.
May 25, 2010 at 9:43 am
Brooke
It’s chicken, smashed onto more chicken, with a bunch of mayonnaise masquerading as lettuce in-between them. Then, naturally, add bacon.
Ahhhhaaaahhaaaahaaaahaaaaaaaaaaaaa!!!!!!
You need to check out this website. Go ahead and take an asprin first and add 911 to your speed dial as you may have a heart attack just looking at the foods…
http://thisiswhyyourefat.com
May 26, 2010 at 7:08 am
winklybink
God help me, some of that stuff looks awesome!
May 25, 2010 at 3:50 pm
cathy
that is most seriously disgusting! leave it to a GUY to fall in love with that shit!!! (gotta go – feelin a little pukey!)