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Traffic skeeves me out.

I don’t know. First, it’s transportation and I hate all forms of this. Except teleportation which I trust because that is future technology. The Future is science and nanosomethings. Plus, in the future, they have a prime directivet that says: ‘don’t fuck shit up’.  So teleportation technology is always perfect. Unlike this 21st century bullshit.

Nightmare.

Second, people are ridiculous and if you put them in a car they lose what little of their damn minds they have left. You can be all, ‘ok come over truck that looks like it might fall apart if the wind blows, please enter my lane’ and the truck will just fucking hover next to you. WTF?  ASS! GET OVER! Nothing.

Then, when you finally flip him the bird and speed up, he’ll speed up and cut you off. Because he’s traffic and traffic is a bitch.

Then semis will stall in the middle of the highway. Why aren’t there separate semi highways already?

I can completely understand why people go Barry every day.

Eej therapy

You know what else? I go through all this just to get to work and listen to lung cancer over there try to work out sharing bronchial real estate with tar balls. He’s so traffic.

But not you, lovers.

You are teleportation to me.

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Yes, yes I know technically, according to the rules it should be Flip-off Friday but ‘flip off’ makes me think of dolphins and dolphins are our friends. So F you Friday it is but just know that it’s a spin-off of Flip-Off Friday mmmmkah?

I "flip" for humans! Down with sharks!

Let’s get started:

1. F you BP – yes still. I’m so sorry you had to be questioned on capital hill and had to put up with all the annoying headlines like “Spilled then Grilled”. That must have really sucked for you, guy. You know what sucks worse?  A fucking oil spill the size of Texas. It’s ruining my dolphins’ lives.

Sinks are evil.

2. F you bathroom sink – why do you keep gurgling at me? Are you going to go all psycho blood like that scene in IT where the girl is standing over looking down  her drain and then blood spits up all in her face and shit? Is that going to happen??? Then I’ll have to pretend it was just a spider so my assdad won’t beat me. Sink, I don’t need that today.

that reminds me…

3. F you Jonathan Brandis – I’m still really really pissed off that you killed yourself. Sad. *sniffles* I know that you loved clowns and dolphins and being a guy on a girls soccer team. I will always remember “discovering” myself while thinking of you and that time I swear I saw you in Oregon.

4. F you Request Friday on the radio – my god, people have terrible taste in music. “Our House” for serious? FOR SERIOUS?

5. F you commute – nevermind the flood, you suck on a daily basis. Commuting makes me want to ram a bitch. With my car. Which is small and tiny and plastic. Everyone else on the road is giant and truck and metal. Lame.

Ahh, feel better. Now hit me with yours?

That sounded dirty.

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