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I just spent a good minute typing ‘wikipedia’ and being confused as to why I couldn’t log into my blog. Which just goes to prove that I’m at my most pointless on friday afternoons.  You know what else is pointless?

If you guessed douching ads then….

Brrrnn – you are WRONG. Surveys is the correct answer. Surveys are more pointless than douching ads because douching ads serve to educate and surveys serve to survey. Let’s get started shall we?

1. Do you watch little kid shows on channels like PBS and Qubo? What the hell is Qubo? Someone please tell me.

2. Do you like laws that require restaurants to list the calories for each item directly on their main menu? Do I? Hell yes, I more than like them. I looooove them, I want to take those calorie laws to the beach and put my arm around them and maybe splash a little in the sand but not too much because I don’t want to mess up my hair and then I want to lay those calorie laws down….

3. Should abstinence-only sex education be taught to cats and dogs as a more affordable alternative to spaying and neutering? aahahahahahahahahahaha

4. Would you rather meet the author of your favorite book/story, or one of the characters? Let’s see…I read Japanese homoerotic comics so….I’m going to go with characters. Plural. Mmmmmmmm.

5. Would you get a pet rat? Pet Rat is an oxymoron. Anyone who owns a rat and calls it ‘pet’ is a moron. Rats are morons.

6. Who would you rather date: Daniel Radcliffe OR Robert Pattinson? I don’t want to date either of these ladies.

TANGENT – speaking of ladies, I’m seriously disappointed that no one on my facebook reached out in my time of need concerning this. I was very upset and beside myself – LOOK AT HOW PUDGY EDS IS! He needs an intervention otherwise we could be looking at an Elvis level situation here. Oh and not paying child support and doing drugs is bad too.

Now I’m distracted from my survey from googling Eddie. It’s leading me down a dark path. A pudgy, slighly assholic, dark path.

The coolest thing that comes up when you search windows images for "clip art" - I was wanting it to be a little more meta but this will do.

Seriously. Last night was a mess of waking up. Fox babbling some nonsense about his damn bandaid. I swear that child goes to sleep thinking he’s awake and when he wakes up he just starts where he left off.  Bandaid gets fixed, Fox on couch with the Snuggie (don’t judge, they are wonderful cheap pieces of crap). Fox back up, still on the bandaid. Then Leo. Then Leo some more.

Functioning is done. Gray matter is squishified.

Which means….

survey time bitches~!!!

1. Would you rather be married and miserable or single and miserable? I wouldn’t rather either of these things. Next!

2. Are you the type that when you see someone that looks better then you, you get jealous? No, I get turned on.  I mean, come on. Duh. Stupid question. I get jealous when I see ugly people because I know they get to walk around turned on all the time.

3.  Jack Daniel’s or Jim Beam? Sink or toilet?

4. Who is the cooler Nintendo character: Fox McCloud or Link? Oh god, this is going to cause controversy. Nerds, have at it. My take is that Fox is cooler in the Fonzie sense but Link is cooler in the going on a quest and actually having a fun not shit game sense.

5. Pop-Tart or Toaster Strudel? Tough one. I like the tart for it’s classic shape and array of flavors. But the strudel has better icing and a better overall taste.

Now you!

This was so much fun last week that I thought I would do it again. And, since it’s my blog – away we go!

Also, thanks much to Dazee for an award/shout out. Much appreciated though we’ll see if I actually do anything with it…

My pee cat licking a snocone. This will make sense later on.

Onward soldiars, onward to yon survey!

1. Are you a free-thinker? What the? Free? What the hell are you some kinda fucking socialist? Get out of here with your ‘free’.

2. Do you view ‘The Barefoot Bandit’ as more of a hero or a scoundrel? I put this in because I LOVE THE BAREFOOT BANDIT. Love him.

3. icecream or snowcones? snowcones. Deeeuuuhhh.

4. Have you or were you in band during high/middle school? Hang on a minute, let me go check something – nope, I don’t have a million zits, a unibrow or a problem socializing in languages other than Klingon. So no, I was not in band. *note: band nerds DO NOT get offended. You served a very important role of make the bleachers vibrate during games. I do love a good vibrating bleacher.*

5. Which do you prefer…gummy bears or gummy worms? Gummy is vomit. Gelatinous vomit.

6. Do you see a point in going to the movies as a social activity anyway? Oh, I’m so glad you asked because – NO. I am not a huge fan of movies and going ‘collectively’ to a movie is fine but don’t act like it’s a big activity you are all doing together. Maybe hanging out afterward and talking about it, sure but the watching together…unless you are a movie talker, in which case, shut the fuck up.

7. Where are people more friendly? At the bar. Um, duh.

8. Would you go to watch a movie on your own? Yes. You want to know why? Because it’s not a social activity.

9. Do you, or does anyone you love, smell like pee? Oh my god, my cat smells like so much pee. I don’t know if I love her though…maybe that doesn’t count then?

10. Want to be a Happy Nurse? Um, what? No, no, decided I don’t actually need to know more – I’m just going to say YES!

Now you go!

My friend over at A Little Crazy to be Cool is having a rough day. AND her therapist is out of town. Fucking therapists. I swear. Expensive and unavailable. It’s yet another profession that I can add to my list of jobs that should be robots. At the top of the list are policemen, even though some people (read: Danny) think this is a terrible idea because then the policebots will enslave us. I say that having policebots means we will finally get the impartiality that police should have. Also, an excuse for a new Law and Order partnership.

Anyway, she needs cheering up and that means – survey time!!!

Ding ding ding ding ding <—-happy gameshow bell ringing.

This survey brought to you by Donny Osmond

Back in the day, when email was king, I used to send out all kinds of happymaking surveys. The idea is to read it, then respond with your own answers. Copy and paste people, it’s old technology. So respond on your blog or in the comments. Capeesh?

1. Have you ever made money illegally? I did spend a summer clubbing seals.

2. Do you think jail will straighten Lindsey Lohan out? Nope, gay for life. Jail will probably just reinforce this. Bitches in LA jails are HOT.

3. Do you have a friend with a different religion than you? Oh my god. I know so many people who like worship Edward Cullen and I’m like – wtf? Team Jacob. How can we even be friends?????

4. Who sounds more like a girl – Justin Bieber or Michale Jackson? Bieber by benefit of being able to breath.

5. Do you like Vulcans or Romulans better? Romulans. Duh. Don’t you judge me.

6. Airsoft or paintball? What the? I’m too old for this question.

7. What is scarier – Silent Hill or Final Frame? Hello. Silent Hill. Final Frame is not only not scary, it is difficult and involves puzzles and I suck at it.

8. Would you ever choose to fight a fight you could not win? Only if it had sexy results.

9. Harry Potter or Lord of the Rings? Both. In a pile. At the same time. With a mirror….make that 5 mirrors.

10. Do opposites really attract? If they are magnets then yes.

Alright, cathy, I hope this made you feel a bit better and also that you learned something. Learning keeps our neurons firing and that is science. Science saves lives.

RESPOND TO MAH SURVEY!!!!!!!

Free Therapy

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