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Yes. Remember when I used to post here? And remember when it was pretty often? Then not so often? Then not at all? Remember that?

I feel like I’ve had this conversation with you before.

Well you can blame the silence on my mother. For real. Not in the hee hee joke it’s the mother’s fault way but the real she put the fear of Jeebus in me way. Because she was all, ‘Sadie don’t you think you might get your ass fired for putting up pictures of naked unicorn men? or Sadie don’t you think it’s a little inappropriate to admit to stalking satan disquised as sexy politician? or Sadie aren’t you worried that someone will see this and your family will be out on the street?’

Uhhh, well now I am.

Also, she doesn’t really talk like that.

I’m a little nervous posting this. Anxiety ratcheting up at the thought of the someone noticing me…

but what can you do?

Stop posting I guess. No. Yes. No.  – you see the struggle? I’m in a pissing contest with my rational self and my fantasy self. So you tell me, is it concerning having a blog and working?  I don’t know.

But today, I’m just going to let it fly. I’m going to try to get back in that fancy horse saddle and eat a dick.

Sorry mom.

Sorry boss.

Thank you doctor who is all, ‘you know they have medication for your problems?’

I will try to post more and stuff.

The other problem was that I forgot my password. But, clearly, I remembered it today – I think that’s a sign.

No pictures with this post. Laaaazzzzyyy.

Again.

Holiday.

You may have heard of it. 4th of July? It involves fireworks and Danny marching down the street to “yell” at assholes.

Let’s therapize.

Overcoming Anxiety for Dummies

This book sucks balls.

So, I checked out this book Overcoming Anxiety for Dummies. It’s about overcoming anxiety. For stupid people. Like myself, I guess. Only this piece of shit book really is a piece of shit. It’s ramped up my anxiety levels. That is not what it promised! It promised to overcome them. But instead they lay out all these scenarios that make my heart race.

Like, ok, in one little box they showed the statistics of liklihood for dying in horrible ways. The point was that you are more likely to die in a plane than by a snake bite. Yippedee fucking do for snake fearers but now I’m even more paranoid about planes. Because I have a higher chance than snakes! Snakes are everywhere! Even ON planes.

Lord.

Now, not only am I still scared of flying, I’m also a wee bit terrified of snakes.

Kudos book.

Danny, of course, thinks the whole thing is ridiculous. Mainly because Danny has no anxiety what so ever.

Wait. Scratch that.

Danny worries about strange things that have no bearing in reality. Currently, he’s very concerned that people are taking bites of his food before he gets there. I mean, he gets a sausage at a breakfast place and is all,

“Do you see that? Is that a bite?”

Me: Wtf? No, that’s not a bite! Paranoid!

Danny: It looks like a bite. Like the cook took a bite of this sausage!

Me: It’s an anomaly.

Danny: No, it’s not! Look, it’s a curve and it’s different from the other sausages.

Me: You mean, like an anomaly?

I know. Then the other day, he was convinced some rogue hungry baker had taken an early bite of his brownie.

But back to me. This book also has you ask yourself questions like, ‘how does this anxious thought affect me? What will happen if this thought comes true?’

You know what happens to me when I think about anxious thoughts coming true? I GET FUCKING ANXIOUS.

I need a new self help book. Or a free therapist. Any recommendations?

Also, I guess the mommyblog page reset. So click the juggling whore. That way mommies can find my blog and be like, ‘this is not a mommy blog. you’re a self obsessed cad. I hate you.’

*update: B has solved the mystery! See comments for his explanation and good detective work. He probably has a million important things to do but took the time to ease my mind. I love him. More than Eds who has freaked me out but now I’m happy because it’s actual people and not lobsters who are hating this blog.*

So, this is what’s happening. Basically, that post about Eddie Furlong and his great geese shirt? Remember? Of course you do, it was a brilliant post. Well anyway, all of a sudden, sometime this weekend it starts getting hits. Like a ton of them. Random! It appears that “people” are searching for “Edward Furlong” and finding me. But that has to be bullshit!

1. Who searches “edward” before “eddie” – no one, that’s who.

2. I can’t believe that this blog shows up anywhere near page 1 much less page 100 so wtf?

3. No other posts are visited, there’s no comments, no trace.

Run for your lives the Lobsters are coming! And they are marked with the number 3 - scary.

It’s freaking me out. I’m worried maybe Eds’ Lobster Corp is coming for me. Or maybe the government has decided that they will use my post as a way to communicate with aliens. Or someone has hacked the post though I didn’t find any evidence of that.

These fuckers are good. I’m totally paranoid. I hate it. Thanks to Danny, I already spend enough time paranoid. I don’t need blog paranoia too!

I went to the forums and posted about my issue. On the forums are super smart blog gurus who will help me. At first, I tried to be all vague but they need the post and the blog to run their diagnostic tests – or throw some guess out there, either way.

I’ll update when I hear back. The blog gurus are very genius. I’m posting that so if blog gurus are reading they will feel good about themselves and want to help me.

Any ideas? How you do deal with paranoia?

Free Therapy

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