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Oh my jeebus. It’s so hot in here. They have the air conditioning off for some reason, not really sure, maybe I should have read the official looking email. Coffee isn’t helping but what am I supposed to do? Quit drinking it? I know, please.

Flip Off – Kludgy

BWS tips button– Boobs

We all know the drill.

F you Self – you lazy lazy lazier. Today there should be a final Fancy Horse competition post but there is not. That’s because I’m ****. Instead of putting them up last night, I had to dust and watch Bones. Then I had to make myself feel better for being so lazy and wrote a list of the things that bother me in Bones (top of the list: the “lesbian” going “bi” then marrying a “man”). THEN I had to have lots of Sweets fantasies. For those who don’t watch Bones reruns this is Sweets.

Yes, I prefer

to
Sexy,David Boreanaz

I’m like a manboyfemininasexual. But hot guys just do not do it for me. I want em skinny, girly but with male parts. Let’s evaulate my tastes at a later date shall we?

moving on…

F you hot – I can’t work under these conditions. This is NOT fancy horse.

I can’t even breath. I may go outside to escape this madness. Outside!

Leave your f’s. And your Sweets love.

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Alert: To everyone who does these blog hops –

if you don’t and you are like ‘what the what is a blog hop’ then just tune this part out, go, like, I don’t know, read some Robert Pattison gossip or something –

oh but then you have to come back and hear me bitch and then you bitch ok? Great.

Back to alert: I do read and I do commiserate and I do laugh. I just can’t really bring it with the comments all the time because of j.o.b. duties. It’s a bitch. I know. Also, please please PLEASE put your full blog in a reader. Half feeds  = unfriendly times.

The end of ALERT!ALERT!ALERT! <—oh maybe I should have done that at the beginning of the alert? Whatever, it’s done, moving on.

Flip off Friday brought you by Gigi and

BWS tips button<—-by a woman who has boobs in her blog title. For real. Click the man for linkage.

F you position of new desk – Worst. position. ever. My back is to my door which means people can straight sneak up on me. You see? Right then I had to turn my head because every slight noise or shadow gets me paranoid. Plus, there’s some kind of new universe law that says no one will come see me for HOURS until the five minutes I decide to look at facebook.

F you Vendor Who will Not be Named – Don’t get snippy with meh. I will eat you for breakfast. There’s a new sheriff in this town and his name is ME. First, FIX THE PROBLEM. Don’t go pissing off my libraries and brushing them off. Second, yeah, you know what? It’s not that I’m an idiot who doesn’t understand your product, it’s that your product sucks. Though I should thank you because now a library thinks I’m awesome and powerful. You need to learn that lesson as well.

F you Psyche – What is wrong with me? Why do I like the villains? Last night we were watching Dr. Who (duh, of course we were. Now we have a DVR (bliss!) and so we can recored Star Trek while watching Dr. Who! It’s a paradigm of brilliant proportions!). Anyway, what? I’m ADD today. Right. Villains. So I’m all like, ‘Yeah Saxon/Master (the villian) and whatever whiny Doctor (the hero)’.  Why does that happen? In my defense, Saxon is ambitious, better looking and, oh yeah, he’s got a bigger screwdriver.

I really should not be surprised that there's a Dr. Who card game but I am.

Finally, F you Tummy – I know according to my blog searches report that people are searching more ‘baby hippos’ than ‘Taylor Lautner shirtless’ so cute, short, chubby things are every happening but…I mean, it’s been a year since the c-section. Plus, the hernia(s) removal…so, why? Why do you still look 4 months pregnant. It makes me want to hibernate.

Your turn lovelies.

Flip Off Friday  – ruling queen of flip, Gigi

We know the drill right? Just get pissed off. Easy. In fact, I’m already there.

F you Java Dave’s – Caffeine is great. I like it lots. But the thing is…too much caffeine sucks. I really would like to drink your tasty coffee without feeling like I have a vibrator jammed up my ass the rest of the day.

F you rain – go away. Come again another never. The kids getting swept away are breaking my heart. You make everyone sad and destroy property and the news loves rain a bit too much. Rain is the new tornadoes. You know how much I hate those bitches.

SHOUT OUT to the Norman Wizard – Thank you most powerful Wizard. Your super awesome crew magicK has kept us flood free. We love you. We give you respect and cherries and one day I will leave a skinned goat at your tree.

Your turn!

You know that commercial about pizza where all the kids get excited for Tuesday because Tuesday is the day their parents get high and feed them pizza or something? That’s how Friday feels now. Only instead of pizza, it promises me lots of pissed off bitches.

I do love pissed off bitches.

So Flip off Friday via Kludgy AND Fawk You Friday via Christy.

BWS tips button <—-click it.

Lots of K/C sounds around here.

F you new desk – Possessed. You stole my vanilla midgies and held them captive for 20 minutes! I need vanilla midgie to get through my day…I’m like a reverse diabetic.

They say "limited edition" but that's a lie.

What I’m really afraid of is that it’s the spirit of the little old lady who we had to force out cause she was such a cagedy old wench she wouldn’t leave. Bittle is not happy. Bittle is like, ‘I will STAY. I will stay, in spirit, in this desk and I will make you PAY.’

I liked Bittle. I choose to believe that her desk possession isn’t personally directed at me. But she better let the f go before I whip out some internet exorcisms on her.

F you IT guy – with your harking. GOOD GOD MAN. You need to see a fucking specialist. I’m worried that since now I’m the closest person to you, it’s going to be my responsibility to do the 911 when your chest explodes. You should go on tour. Seriously, this guy is the greatest walking (for now) anti-smoking campaign. I think if you opened him up he would look like one of those rubber duck bath toys that the Today Show freaked everyone out on.

Ummm, yeah, and that’s really all. Strange. Happy week I guess.

Leave your f’s below.

This week F stands for furniture.

Again, not really.

Whew, it’s that time again. F to the U to the DAY. That should be a football cheer. Or futbol. World Cup. Whatever.

Ok, so here’s the drill – Flip Off Friday (via Kludgy Mom and Amy) and Fawk You Friday (which I heard about from Christy)

BWS tips button

<—-this well endowed (that’s a really big finger is all I’m saying!) dude is a link. Click on him if you want to see lots of other people and their rage.

What? Wait – you can’t do TWO things at once.

Wellll, F you. This is the goddamn internet. And the goddamn internet is RENEGADE. That means I can do whatever I want. You can’t even stop me. All you can do is start your own blog or leave a hateful comment here.

But don’t do that because it will hurt my feelings and I will make it my goal in life to destroy you (virtually).

F you friends who go out of town – Good going. Way to make me sit here all bored and shit. Plus, it’s my birthday weekend. Didn’t think about that did you, anonymous friend whose name starts with an E? No you did not. I hope you choke on Chicago pollution….are you home yet? Let’s hang out.

F you World Cup – I guess this is a cup that the whole world wants to own? Kind of like Helen and the golden apple except the reward isn’t being called beautiful and having sex with hot guys, it’s winning a cup. And respect. Or something. Not clear on the whole concept. What I am clear on is that people will not stop talking about it. It almost makes me miss the oil.

This is the world cup. I know. It's ugly as sin.

F you anxiety – could you leave for one day? ONE day? I wonder what it’s like to just wake up and actually believe that everything will be alright. Seriously. I feel like maybe if I were a circus clown I would be anxiety free but I am not talented like clowns are. I worry that if I do think things will be fine then that will trigger the bad, like the Universe will be all, ‘what the – no, you need the fear. You can’t just relax, here’s some bad bad shit down on you so you will learn.’

Happy to Birthday to me! Birthdays are great and fun. I got a cool pop up from my mom (yes, I collect pop up books but remember that my husband recruits aliens so my arrested development is pretty ok) and some nice cards. Tonight I will sip on a gin and tonic and toast myself. It’s what I do best.

Hugs and Chugs.  Leave your f’s in the comments.

The f stands for future.

No it doesn’t.

Yes, yes I know technically, according to the rules it should be Flip-off Friday but ‘flip off’ makes me think of dolphins and dolphins are our friends. So F you Friday it is but just know that it’s a spin-off of Flip-Off Friday mmmmkah?

I "flip" for humans! Down with sharks!

Let’s get started:

1. F you BP – yes still. I’m so sorry you had to be questioned on capital hill and had to put up with all the annoying headlines like “Spilled then Grilled”. That must have really sucked for you, guy. You know what sucks worse?  A fucking oil spill the size of Texas. It’s ruining my dolphins’ lives.

Sinks are evil.

2. F you bathroom sink – why do you keep gurgling at me? Are you going to go all psycho blood like that scene in IT where the girl is standing over looking down  her drain and then blood spits up all in her face and shit? Is that going to happen??? Then I’ll have to pretend it was just a spider so my assdad won’t beat me. Sink, I don’t need that today.

that reminds me…

3. F you Jonathan Brandis – I’m still really really pissed off that you killed yourself. Sad. *sniffles* I know that you loved clowns and dolphins and being a guy on a girls soccer team. I will always remember “discovering” myself while thinking of you and that time I swear I saw you in Oregon.

4. F you Request Friday on the radio – my god, people have terrible taste in music. “Our House” for serious? FOR SERIOUS?

5. F you commute – nevermind the flood, you suck on a daily basis. Commuting makes me want to ram a bitch. With my car. Which is small and tiny and plastic. Everyone else on the road is giant and truck and metal. Lame.

Ahh, feel better. Now hit me with yours?

That sounded dirty.

Update: Oh, it’s actually called Friday Flip-off and I found it at Amy’s Blam General Foolishness!

I can’t remember where I saw this (if it was your blog, please let me know so I can link!) – F You Friday.

I guess it’s like a blog thing? I don’t know but I want on board.

As a renowned internet historian, I can say with great authority that the internet was created for two things:  nude pictures and telling people to fuck themselves to the moon.

Along the way though, the internet has gotten distracted with dumb crap like worthy causes, and social networking without being dirty, and expressing yourself positively.

That ends today.

Of course we have to start off with

F you BP – everyone is saying this but you know what? It’s truth. F to the G to the Z BP. Not only are you British but you are an asshole. Or arsehole, my bad I don’t speak redcoat. This whole thing is stressing me out and every time I see the birds and those little crabs running for high ground I get sad.

F you horses – I’ve been wanting to say this for a long time. Horses. What the hell are these things? Who even needs them? I mean, after ancient explorers? I always hear people say they are majestic and beautiful. Are you people high? Horses are weird looking and evil.

See? Horses will carjack you and eat your face. EVIL.

F you fellow commuters – are you trying to cause an accident? I mean, is that your entire goal of driving like your shrooms have kicked in? It’s rush hour, modern society’s biggest oxymoron – just slow down and chillax.

Let's see...should I cut off that semi while sending a text OR should I drink my coffee while tailgating? So many choices. Notice also - British.

Ok, I think I’m good for now. Oh, I don’t actually hate the British. I’m kind of jealous of them because they get to be so cool and marry Princes and stuff. Also, dreamy accent. But once, a skinny Brit dumped me after I came all the way to England so I wrote the whole island off.

What about you? I don’t mean, how do you feel about the British but who do you need to tell off?

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