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Yes. Remember when I used to post here? And remember when it was pretty often? Then not so often? Then not at all? Remember that?

I feel like I’ve had this conversation with you before.

Well you can blame the silence on my mother. For real. Not in the hee hee joke it’s the mother’s fault way but the real she put the fear of Jeebus in me way. Because she was all, ‘Sadie don’t you think you might get your ass fired for putting up pictures of naked unicorn men? or Sadie don’t you think it’s a little inappropriate to admit to stalking satan disquised as sexy politician? or Sadie aren’t you worried that someone will see this and your family will be out on the street?’

Uhhh, well now I am.

Also, she doesn’t really talk like that.

I’m a little nervous posting this. Anxiety ratcheting up at the thought of the someone noticing me…

but what can you do?

Stop posting I guess. No. Yes. No.  – you see the struggle? I’m in a pissing contest with my rational self and my fantasy self. So you tell me, is it concerning having a blog and working?  I don’t know.

But today, I’m just going to let it fly. I’m going to try to get back in that fancy horse saddle and eat a dick.

Sorry mom.

Sorry boss.

Thank you doctor who is all, ‘you know they have medication for your problems?’

I will try to post more and stuff.

The other problem was that I forgot my password. But, clearly, I remembered it today – I think that’s a sign.

No pictures with this post. Laaaazzzzyyy.

Step 1: Don’t have ridiculously long post titles.

Fuck. Me.

Ok well you know what, who cares because no one reads post titles. I could be all, ‘Hey this post is about monkey’s getting tattoos of breasts so they can be more human looking and sexy’ and no one would even notice. Moving on…

This monkey here - cute or sad?

Step 2: Use the Plinky question of the day to combat writer’s block

Hmm, interesting…I do like questions. Today’s questions is

If you could enact one new law, what would it be?

Wow.

This just made writer’s block worse. Because I didn’t even have writer’s block before – I was going to write about the state of monkey sexuality and maybe there should be a law about that? No, no that’s a waste of my single lawmaking magical ability that is fiction and for fun but I’m suddenly taking really really seriously.

It’s the genie conundrum.

I’ve always said to myself, “Self you need to avoid the shit out of genies. Because genies are baaaaad mojo. They look like they give wishes but what the really give are lessons in humanity. And if there’s one thing I hate more than a monkey paw/ability to turn things into gold with a touch/suddenly being ruler of the world it’s a lesson.  Also, humanity. In general, all of that.”

Bratz + Genies + Internet Marketing = Evil Trifecta

There’s so many possibilities. And how far should I take this law thing. So, ok, I make the law and then do I have to come up with the punishment in case some one breaks the law? And when would this fictious, inevitably self-serving law go into effect?

This is….so….much….pressure.

I can’t do it. I can’t.

I must.

I feel like I should take the fancy highroad and enact some law that requires people to take their fashion advice from the Bills.

But that seems like it would come with all kinds of regulation issues.

or what about doing something that would benefit everyone? Like maybe improving vacation time for all people whose first name begins with the letter S and is me? Like that?

I don’t know. What law would you enact? If you could be a better blogger.

It’s the fable, the cautionary tale, the urban legend, the ultimate library horror story – “and then it burned.”

“All of it?”

“Yes, all of it. To the ground.”

“The whole library?”

“Gone.”

We mourn Alexandria’s loss. Our loss, all that knowledge, all those words, all of those things that make us who we are even though they were written so long ago. Our cultural history, identity missing.

Welcome to Alexandria Florida

Of course, I have a personal stake in this. I’m a librarian. I feed my family with state and federal funds. So, yeah, of course there’s that. But, truth be told, if the library goes away I would be fine. Not happy but I would adapt, find a new profession.

What bothers me is the bigger picture. As a child, I used to sit on the floor of my elementary school library where the librarian – who was old even then and just got older but everyone is old when you’re so young – would hand me books. I was particularly attached to a series about a group of animals living in a forest. These are your books, for today, for a few weeks, as long as you need them. Then we share. But you still get to keep those books in your head.

I would go to our tiny public library and check out Stephen King. Neither the librarian or my mom said anything about a 10 year old girl reading It. It was my head and they figured I knew what to fill it with. The librarian was like a train conductor, here’s your ticket kid have a good ride.

When I became a professional children’s librarian I worked every day, really hard to make good programs and have a good collection. I still talk to some of “my” teens. The library was not their home or their school or their friends house, it was their cultural roots. Where they went to read and hear music and participate in an online society that they couldn’t afford at home.

Libraries are cultural institutions. Like museums, like theaters, like coffee shops and clubs. Except they are funded by tax dollars because, a long time ago, someone decided that libraries should belong to everyone. Not the books, or the computers, or the fucking dvds that people seem so hung up on – but the things that they leave in our heads. The connection they give us to our past and future. Read. Listen. Connect.

You may not realize it now but you need a library like you need a hospital. Though it’s crazy to compare the two. So, support your public library, support your children’s school library, support other children’s school libraries, because I promise you –

Alexandria is a sad thing.

That, never gets old!  Does it?  No, no it does not.  Hee hee hee.

So, I’m over Sweethearts and their nefarious plot to keep me from ingesting large amounts of sugar.  My new theory is that they are part of Jamie Oliver’s plan to keep children healthy.  No, Jamie I do not think kids need to know what a tomato is.  Are you kidding?  It’s just unprocessed SAUCE.  Come back to me when that shit is on a pizza.

Actually, no wait, Jamie, while I’ve got you here.  Your show promised me nudity.  On you.  Yet, every time I see you, you’ve got your pants pulled up.  I know, I know, I don’t go for pasty English gentlemen but come on.  Your show said food and nakedness so I assume that means you naked covered in chocolate.  Rectify this travesty, please.

I thought today I would exercise my brain.  Using your brain supposedly keeps you young and makes you feel better about yourself.  I think I read this on MSNBC.  I need to feel better about myself.

I’m thinking about the debates I have with Danny and I thought some fresh opinions might be nice.

Of course, there is the mother of all debates:

Crop circles – manmade or not? – Discuss.

This one is always popular:

Robots – will they kill us all or harmless, useful pieces of technology? -Discuss.

Then last night, while watching Star Trek:TNG – that’s “The Next Generation” for you losers who don’t know.  This debate started:

How quickly would you quit being my friend if I got this tattoo?

Lt. Commander Data – should he be a spokesperson/representative for children with asperger’s? -Discuss

Also, notice how you never see any laundry or cleaning crews on the Enterprise?  What is up with that?  There’s miles of carpet in that ship, yet, nothing.  Speculations? Do you think they have a contract with a private company?  Or maybe the ship is self cleaning?

Ok, ok, moving on to something you probably care more about.  Not a debate just a general wonder:

John Mayer– asshole, idiot or both? – Discuss.

Keep it friendly unless someone is completely stoopid then smack the bitch down.  Use mustachioed man if you must.

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