You may have heard of it. 4th of July? It involves fireworks and Danny marching down the street to “yell” at assholes.
So, I checked out this book Overcoming Anxiety for Dummies. It’s about overcoming anxiety. For stupid people. Like myself, I guess. Only this piece of shit book really is a piece of shit. It’s ramped up my anxiety levels. That is not what it promised! It promised to overcome them. But instead they lay out all these scenarios that make my heart race.
Like, ok, in one little box they showed the statistics of liklihood for dying in horrible ways. The point was that you are more likely to die in a plane than by a snake bite. Yippedee fucking do for snake fearers but now I’m even more paranoid about planes. Because I have a higher chance than snakes! Snakes are everywhere! Even ON planes.
Now, not only am I still scared of flying, I’m also a wee bit terrified of snakes.
Danny, of course, thinks the whole thing is ridiculous. Mainly because Danny has no anxiety what so ever.
Wait. Scratch that.
Danny worries about strange things that have no bearing in reality. Currently, he’s very concerned that people are taking bites of his food before he gets there. I mean, he gets a sausage at a breakfast place and is all,
“Do you see that? Is that a bite?”
Me: Wtf? No, that’s not a bite! Paranoid!
Danny: It looks like a bite. Like the cook took a bite of this sausage!
Me: It’s an anomaly.
Danny: No, it’s not! Look, it’s a curve and it’s different from the other sausages.
Me: You mean, like an anomaly?
I know. Then the other day, he was convinced some rogue hungry baker had taken an early bite of his brownie.
But back to me. This book also has you ask yourself questions like, ‘how does this anxious thought affect me? What will happen if this thought comes true?’
You know what happens to me when I think about anxious thoughts coming true? I GET FUCKING ANXIOUS.
I need a new self help book. Or a free therapist. Any recommendations?
Also, I guess the mommyblog page reset. So click the juggling whore. That way mommies can find my blog and be like, ‘this is not a mommy blog. you’re a self obsessed cad. I hate you.’