Oh my gosh! You guys! SPIES!

Kinda crappy spies…but still.  Spies!

Wow, spies are so great aren’t they? In fact, in my free time, I write a little series of pulp fiction called Cosmo Lady Spies (on Mars). In involves lady spies going around the cosmos. Right now I’ve got one infiltrating the local Marsian cathouse called the Glass ASSassSIN. Only, she’s not a whore because that’s lazy writing…no, wait, she’s totally a whore.  But a spy whore which is all kinds of different. Anyway, the Glass ASSassSIN has glass floors and walls and the women and men (it’s an equal opportunity employer) wear lavish Victorian costumes with no underwear.

Um.

Anyway, these guys were honest to life spies!

Not bullshit spies like

Why would you even do this? It's reckless and pointless.

but real spies like

See? Cookies and smiles and an armful of rolling pins. That's way more effective.

Real spies are better in a lot of ways. First, because they don’t blow shit up. It is not the job of a spy to blow shit up. That’s lazy spy work plus it ruins the cover. I mean, please. Bond? James Bond. Whatever. Don’t you think that the minute your martini glass shatters and a bullet grazes your ear you’re going to think:  ‘Wtf? Who would do this? Naaaahhh, couldn’t be that mysterious new dapper gentleman.’ I mean, really.

A spy’s job is to get close to you and use alien technology to steal your secrets. A spy’s job is to do this without you knowing. That’s like, the definition of spy.

Danny reminded me last night of that time the Chinese gifted us a plane and it was full of bugs. Hahahaha, that was awesome.

Then, remember when Valeria Plame was outed by Scooter Libby? Scooter Libby! That name is so pornographic, I can’t even handle it.

Finally, there’s the greatest spy of all time – the Mata Hari. Wow.

Spies. You know I love ’em.

And you, how do you feel about spies? If you could be a spy were would you go?

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