Yes, yes I know technically, according to the rules it should be Flip-off Friday but ‘flip off’ makes me think of dolphins and dolphins are our friends. So F you Friday it is but just know that it’s a spin-off of Flip-Off Friday mmmmkah?
Let’s get started:
1. F you BP – yes still. I’m so sorry you had to be questioned on capital hill and had to put up with all the annoying headlines like “Spilled then Grilled”. That must have really sucked for you, guy. You know what sucks worse? A fucking oil spill the size of Texas. It’s ruining my dolphins’ lives.
2. F you bathroom sink – why do you keep gurgling at me? Are you going to go all psycho blood like that scene in IT where the girl is standing over looking down her drain and then blood spits up all in her face and shit? Is that going to happen??? Then I’ll have to pretend it was just a spider so my assdad won’t beat me. Sink, I don’t need that today.
that reminds me…
3. F you Jonathan Brandis – I’m still really really pissed off that you killed yourself. Sad. *sniffles* I know that you loved clowns and dolphins and being a guy on a girls soccer team. I will always remember “discovering” myself while thinking of you and that time I swear I saw you in Oregon.
4. F you Request Friday on the radio – my god, people have terrible taste in music. “Our House” for serious? FOR SERIOUS?
5. F you commute – nevermind the flood, you suck on a daily basis. Commuting makes me want to ram a bitch. With my car. Which is small and tiny and plastic. Everyone else on the road is giant and truck and metal. Lame.
Ahh, feel better. Now hit me with yours?
That sounded dirty.