So…sometimes, my stats make me create tears. Like little eye puddles. It’s because I learn something new and I realize that I have failed you. For example, yesterday, I learned that you do not like discussing child abuse even though I was not condoning it, hell I wasn’t even really talking about child abuse but child abuse awareness. Whatever.

I bow to your wishes. Specifically, I believe the topmommyblog crowd (which I always read as tommyblogs and I’m like wtf is Tommy? oh wait wait TOP my bad). See I know I’ve offended when a lot of tmbs come in but don’t click the juggling woman (who, by the way, is waaaaay worse a mom than me – I mean, maybe she doesn’t talk about abuse but she’s juggling heavy objects and not feeding her baby and she’s grinning like she’s on meth).  By coming in then not clicking the bitch it’s like saying “oh no! This blog has offended!”

So today, in honor of topmommies every where I am making it happy baby thought day.

As proof that I love babies, here I am (in winter) with mine. Notice - he's smiling!

First order of business is adding the offensive subject to my list of things to never ever bring up again. The list now looks like this:

  1. dead bab(doll)ies
  2. Bode Miller’s scrot

I’m sure there will be more in the future. *sniffs*

Next, I’ll tell you about an entire subgenre of Romance that I like to call Babeh Fever.

Baby My Baby (A Ranching Family, #2) (Silhouette Special Edition, #946)

Lest you think I'm kidding...

The conventions of babeh fever go like this:

Get knocked up – by a hot guy of course, please, no ugly babies here. What do you think our heroine will do with an ugly baby? That’s right. Abuse.

Then have the hot guy bail because he’s an enormous jerk with no redeeming qualities. Score! She gets hot genes and a blissful man-free pregnancy. I can see the appeal of this genre.

Then, lady is getting all near due date and thinking ‘damn, I’m about to have a baby. I need a man to worship me and change this kid’s diapers. Make that a HOT man. Where am I going to find that?’ Cue knock on the door.

Surprise! Here’s a hot man who is unnaturally attracted to pregnant women (though it helps that the lady has no physical symptoms aside from a perfectly cute round belleh). He falls in love at first sight. How could he not?

A Baby on the Ranch : Men of the West (Silhouette Special Edition) (Silhouette Special Edition)In one case he’s a ranger and he goes to tell lady about her long lost family (don’t try to make sense of this) but THEN he realizes that might send her into pre-term labor. That’s right, a single hot man who understands potential labor triggers. It’s fantasy folks.

Anyway, some sort of natural/manmade/vampire disaster happens and the woman has to give birth in a cozy location (like a giant mansion or something) with just the hot man beside her. He is not grossed out. He is moved to accept babeh as his own.

In short, he’s got the fever.

Sex follows because the woman heals and drops her two pounds of baby weight in a week.

All is wonderful in the world.

Not that I’ve walked by these books and considered reading them like a 1,000 times or anything….

Another happy baby thought?

Ok, you’re so insistent –

I’m posting an awesome kid video! A healthy non-abused kid!

Ugh, except I have to link to it because WordPress doesn’t allow videos which is SHIT.

Awesome Jessica <—-trust me, it’s not dirty or wrong it’s very very great

If you are content then click the mommy to the left! Why? Well, I’ve got an ego the size of an elephant and it needs to be fed.

*I was going to say “Texas” but that would be mixing metaphors.*

**Also, do check out topmommyblogs because there are some really fun, cute, touching uh mommy blogs on there!**