*Updated*: I want to be clear. I do NOT think that child abuse is funny, in any way. However, I do find this approach to child abuse awareness to be hilarious and grand and awesome. Also, no actual baby dolls or read babies were injured in the making of this post.*
Yes, today is the day. Lunch day. Lunch with mah bitches day.
Ladies, you know what I’m talking about. It’s very important to have a classy set of female friends to eat lunch with, drink booze with and yell obscenities at. Ya know, the bitches.
I have a great set. There’s me and my #1 – K. So our initials are K and S which makes me think of “kiss” which is something I bet a lot of people would want to see us do. On account of us being so hot and all. Then there’s T and A (yes, TITS AND ASS!!) who are each others #1 and mine and K’s #2 and 3 though equal footing, so really like #2 x 2. It’s a complicated friend ranking system. To simplify things – mah bitches. Clear yes?
Women are really awesome in this way. We run in packs. When we’re younger we sort of deny ourselves, uh ourselves in favor of cute boys and we are all ‘oh but I have to be involved with this guy’. But then we get married and we are like, ‘oh god – bo’d’. So we hook back up with each other. Kind of like Sex and the City without the suck.
Anyway, there’s a phrase that I keep wanting to use on this blog but I know no one would know what it means. So today, in honor of finally going to lunch (stupid A had to run off and get a job and not be able to eat lunch monthly – like a period. Sorry for the P word dudes.) I give you the greatest idea in the history of great ideas:
Moi: Did you see all the flags on the capital today? What was that about? Is that some soldier thing?
T: No, that’s all the children who are abused in Oklahoma.
(Well, now hell, I feel awful.)
T: The big American flags are the ones who died and the Oklahoma flags are the ones who just got beat.
Moi and A and K: That’s so sad. Totally sad. People are horrible.
A: Tell them about that woman!
Moi and K turn to T with big old saucer eyes.
T: Oh right so there’s this woman and she, I don’t know, she, look she’s really nice and stuff but she’s kind of crazy. She always wants me to help and stuff… Anyway she wants to do a child abuse campaign.
And she wants to take like 12,000 babydolls and abuse them. The way the “real” babies were abused or killed. So like if one’s arm was broken she would put a cast on the baby dolls arm or burn it or some shit.
Moi: That’s fucking crazy.
T: Yeah. So she then was like, ‘do you know where I can get a glass dumpster? because ok, she then wants to put these babies in a glass dumpster. Then the glass dumpster could tour the highschools for like a week.
Ok, right so THEN she wants to take the babies out and heal them.
K: Even the dead ones? That’s…fucking crazy.
T: Yeah so then the healed babies would go back on tour –
Moi: In the glass dumpster?
T: I don’t think so…
Moi: So what would they be in?
A: Sticks? Would she like ram sticks up their ass and plant them in front of the highschools?
T: I don’t know! But she calls me daily saying, “Hey T I need a lot of baby dolls, some paint and everything else”.
So there you go. Now when I want to refer to someone’s unobtainable but worthy goal I say – that’s 12,000 dead babies in a glass dumpster.