don’t be a woman, a mother and have a job. Or really, don’t do all of that at the same time. It will make your family FAT.

According to genius douche Michael Pollan.

Let’s examine this.  Only, be warned, it might be a bit anti-climatic. I feel like since I’ve been thinking about this so much that I’m too worn out to really do it justice.

BUT what the fuck ever, it’ll still be the greatest thing you read all day, even if it sucks.

Michael Pollan.

Food Rules: An Eater's ManualIn case you’re unfamiliar, he’s a guy who likes to talk about food. And write about food. He wrote a little (literally) book called Food Rules.  And it. is. genius.

No, wait, scratch that. The book itself is not genius but Michael Pollan is genius because he wrote a book filled with shit you already know. Then he made a fortune – selling you shit you already know!

That my friends is genius, pure hula hoop style ingenuity.

Look, I like what he has to say about food. We are big farmer’s market people over here. I really try (especially with eggs, milk and chicken – I don’t eat red meat because it looks like blood on my plate and it tastes like tin) to eat organic, cage free, no antibiotics, no growth hormone, no genetic modifications, etc.

This is the sort of horrowshow chickens that I picture living at those chicken farms down in south OK.

That business of raising cows on the meat of other cows and tricking chickens into growing overnight or whatever, scares me. It scares me to think what hormones are doing to us and I really don’t want my boys to hit puberty at 5. Plus, I think eating should be for sustenance and family first and that vegetables can be tasty and blah blah you get it right?

So I’m down with Pollan in that sense.

Then a fellow librarian was all, ‘Did you read the New York Book Review.’ and I laughed because, as a rule, librarians hate that rag. It’s so pretentious and never tells us what we need to know. Then she was all, ‘Michael Pollan wrote an essay and in it he talks about eating as a family.’

Awesome. I do that! I eat with my family every ni….

what. the living hell?

This is what he says (though to be fair, he’s quoting some other not as genius political scientist but still by including it I’m pretty sure he agrees):

In a challenge to second-wave feminists who urged women to get out of the kitchen, Flammang suggests that by denigrating “foodwork” – everything involved in putting meals on the family table – we have unthinkingly wrecked one of the nurseries of democracy: the family meal….A scholar of the women’s movement, she suggests that “American women are having second thoughts” about having left the kitchen. However, the answer is not for them simply to return to it, but rather “for everyone – men, women and children – to go back to the kitchen, as in preindustrial days and for the workplace to lessen its time demands on people.”

Seeing as her final conclusion is that everyone should be in the kitchen and that the problem is the inflexible nature of the American work culture then why the hell do they start out by blaming working moms?

Dang babeh! You are getting so FAT. Guess I need to get back in that kitchen, no more riveting for me. Daddy? Oh no, he couldn't possibly pick up a spatula. Silly fat stupid baby.

Thing 1 – getting out of the kitchen – is a metaphor. It represents the right to choose.

Thing 2 – it’s not a challenge to second wave feminism to say, hey feed your family properly and together – it’s a challenge to everyone. Why even bring up feminism?

Thing 3 – I agree that the culture of work is harming us in ways that are becoming more and more apparent. We’ve streamlined our day (at least from a librarian standpoint) and yet we work like we did back in the 1950s. That’s crazy.

I would love a 6 hour work day with 2 hours left of the original 8 hour chunk to spend working out and developing community projects like a garden or a community farm that would provide good, fresh vegetables and meat. If everyone and every company participated in this wouldn’t it be cool?

Also, in my perfect city run by me, the buildings would be built to make musical noise every time the weather changed. Like if the wind blows they would have little metal strings that would play, or the top would be like a drum for when it rains.  Then, on sunny days they could reflect like an oil puddle.

Now that’s genius.

*note: if you would like a list of documentaries, books and websites geared toward making you never want to eat again, just let me know, I’ll be happy to oblige”.

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