Happy Day After Memorial Day! Are we all super excited to be back to ‘regular life’? Like opposed to our non-normal life that we spent yesterday?

I know you are probably most excited for my return. 4 days is a long time for you to go without me! It must have been very hard on you. I’m sorry. I would say I  care but I have a life bitches. That’s right, serious business fun was spent this weekend in Branson.

Stop mocking me. Branson is…

pretty much like if Vegas and Texas had a baby and then that baby threw up a bunch of lights.

Whatever anyway, here’s a few things I was pondering while clogging my arteries with buffet breakfast (I will discuss a couple of these in further detail this week):

  1. Michael Pollan – how do we feel about him?
  2. Branson – WTF is up with this city/hoe down/sensory overload hell?
  3. How come sometimes tiny versions of things are funny –  like horses, coffee cups and t-shirts –  but tiny version of other things are not – like preemies, cupcakes and penises?
  4. Why are my boyfriends B and R the only people who enjoy discussing tentacle sex? I would think more people would be interested in this as it involves monsters and boobs but all anyone ever does is yammer on about oil and shit and I’m all, “does this oil have tentacles? does this oil want to have sex with you? NO? Then why the hell are we even talking about this? Next.

(I was going to post a tentacle sex picture but then I thought of my mom and how sometimes my posts make her cry so instead I offer you this.)

But before I go into all that, let’s take a moment to therapize.

This weekend was full of toddler fun and toddler freak outs and toddler running like he’s being chased but not running like he’s about to be hit by a car, which he should have been running like if he was going to pull away in that parking lot.

What the fuck is up with toddlers? Mine is non-stop action and tantrums and we feel like we’re always harping on him, “Fox stop eating dirt, you look like a daycare kid” *note: He IS a part-time daycare kid, except in summer and I think daycare is awesome so it’s not a reflection on how I feel about daycares at all, however you do have to admit that daycare kids do tend to eat more sand than those homebound ones.*

“Fox stop running into oncoming traffic.”

“Fox stop kicking your brother in the face.”

“Fox stop kicking your brother in the leg.”

“Fox quit it, quit it, quit it!”

It’s exhausting and not fun to constantly be disciplining or whatever. Is this just a stage? He turns 3 in a couple of weeks. I’ve heard 3 is worse than 2. Is that true?

Don’t get me wrong, he is still a great kid just a determined one. Oh, and he does not give a damn. He could care less about praise or yelling. He’s just like, ‘whatever. I’m going to go over here now.’

So while this weekend was fun, it was also kind of tiring. I think restaurants are out for a while. Which sucks because eating out is fun.

I guess the point of this ramble is  – toddlers, what do you do about them? and any restaurant advice?

Here's my sister demonstrating my point about tiny cups. Hilarious! It's a tiny cup of coffee.

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