Yesterday, my hot friend JP pointed out that maybe we in Nompton have been pissing off our wizard. Wizards are not like puppies, wizards are more like cats. You need to take care of them and show them some goddamn RESPECT. If you are in a coastal town, maybe you have mermaid protection? I am told mermaids are very easy to care for and only need the occasional Tom Hanks dropped in the ocean for nipple play and light chuckles. Good for you coastal towns. We here on the plains have some serious wizard tending to do.
But how can I discover how to make our wizard happy?
I started by making a list of all the things wizards like:
- Wizards like pointy hats.
- Wizards like lizards.
- Wizards like making stuff with their hands.
- Wizards also like making stuff in pots.
- Wizards like adoration and worship and kings, in that order.
- Wizards like using their magick.
- Wizards like beards.
- Wizards like living alone or with a cat/owl/ferret
So here’s what we need to do. We need to start talking about the wizard wherever we are, just casually mentioning how great he is and stuff. Then we can be all, “oh wizard, I didn’t see you standing there.”
We need to be nice to cats and owls and ferrets as we never know which of these might be our wizard’s petfriend.
We need to wear pointy hats and grow beards, yes even the ladies.
We need to sacrifice lizards in pots.
Finally, for gods sake, start saying ‘magic’ with a K! I feel this is the most important step. Wizards are very old school and refined and goth and shit.
So, if you are reading this wizard of mine – please I love you and your magicK. Do not let the storms hit Norman tonight and I promise I will get neked pictures of the Oklahoma City Witch. Again, I love you and your powers.
If you have any other wizard appeasing ideas, leave them in the comments.