I’m going to make a confession.
Here it goes:
Facebook, kiiiiind of makes me feel like I’m 15. And if I’m feeling 15, then I act 15. Which is to say that suddenly I’m vain, insecure, gossipy and yes, a tad of the stalkerish.
Don’t get me wrong, I love being able to reach out to mah peeps at any given time. Post a little message. Respond to an update. I love when people share pictures of their babies or their favorite music videos.
I hate when I feel left out. I hate freaking out that I look fat in a photo and so and so from freaking highschool might look at it. I hate that I posted photos when I was breastfeeding purposefully to show off how great my boobs were (oh man, they were spectacular) but now I try to crop out all chest area. Which isn’t hard seeing as there isn’t any.
So, like the angsty adolescent years, facebook has made it more about me and less about anyone else. Am I the only one? Please say that you use it somewhat immaturely. That, at 30 years old, trying to figure out who has me hidden and why isn’t abnormal.
That wondering why so and so hasn’t responded to a friend request isn’t unheard of. This could possibly be because I called them a slut in the message I sent with the request. But I totally meant that in a good way!
Look, I’m not giving up facebook because that would be madness. I play scrabble on there. I do enjoy it. Just wondering what you’ve done that is soooo 15.
Here’s my confession:
I totally stalk ex-boyfriends. And I met my husband when I was 18 so these are highschool boyfriends! Most of them I didn’t ever really like in the first place but now I’m all, ‘Hmmm, he appears to be successful. I wonder what deal he made with the devil to pull -ah, I see, the exchange is his hair. Fair enough.” But I would DIE if I knew someone was thinking that about me or stalking me.
I want people to know how awesome and successful I am so I try to drop hints on my profile page. Master’s degree people. Two kids. Husband. Suburban home….ah fuck that’s not impressive at all. That’s very everyday situation. Maybe I need to make up a band to be in? I’m very jealous of my friend who is gorgeous and in a band. You hear me KB? I totally stalk and dress my kid like yours. So…don’t hate me.
I decide I hate people based on outward appearance. Mainly, what pages they fan or “like” or groups they join. I know. Petty.
On the other hand, facebook has reconnected me with lots of great people. I’ve discovered old friendships that I thought were gone. I get to see pictures from places I want to go. Talk to people that, even in highschool or college, I didn’t really know but now I do.
When my son Leo was born, the outpouring of congratulations and he’s so cute and good job lady was amazing. I felt connected to the world. I felt like Leo was connected in that way too. In short, the very reason I live for the internet and the internet lives for me.
Leo as a newbie. Sorry, couldn't resist. Also, aren't hospital baby hats the greatest things ever?
So what if it means, at times, being 15?
Now, make me feel better and post your facebook confessions!!!
9 comments
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May 3, 2010 at 10:02 am
Brooke
Love the cartoon and the pic of Leo…adorable!!!!!
When I joined FB, I absoultely looked up people I knew! I found my high school boyfriend on a fluke a few months ago – he labeled himself in a picture which then took me to his FB page. I friend requested him and not only did he not accept, he IGNORED me. (Which always makes me think of Fatal Attraction and Glenn Close saying ‘I will not be IGNORED, Dan!’). I was quite affected by this, even though I am extremely happily married and content with life these days. And he needed to see that damnit. I’m happy. Without you, you shithead. Especially since we were together for three years, but a week after we broke up he was dating a fucking ballerina from the School of the Arts. And she had an Australian accent, so she was freakin’ perfect.
But those are my personal issues to work through someday. You can see, I bet, how the title of your blog was like crack to me now, right? HAHAHAAAA. So, because I’m so mature and able to roll with things (eye roll), I then stalked his friend list to see who of our friends from high school he was still friends with. The results weren’t good. All the people that hated me for dating him (and there were a-plenty, shocking as that may seem) are friends with him on FB. Yay. So then I spent hours obsessing about whether or not they were talking shit about me. I finally told my husband when he asked me what on earth was WRONG with me because I was so preoccupied with and mentally re-living that whole high school nightmare again and he laughed and told me I was probably not even a blip on their radar. And you know what? He was right. But I do look some of them up every now and then to see if I can read their wall posts without friending them. I’m sick, I know. I know.
May 3, 2010 at 10:17 am
winklybink
Haha, yes! I do that too. There was one guy I had a really horrible experience with in highschool and I was so surprised to see so many of my close friends, including my sister (traitor!, j/k) as his friend. I’m totally happy with my life but it’s like you get on facebook and start wanting to prove it or wanting to know everylittlething about somebody that you hadn’t thought about, would never date again, etc.
I honestly don’t know how to get over it. It’s like I crave closure or something but just moving on and being happy should be closure enough right? I wonder if it’s just a lady problem because my husband acts like I’m straight crazy.
Thanks for sharing!
May 3, 2010 at 11:09 am
Elisa
Brooke, you are right on the money with this line: “…even though I am extremely happily married and content with life these days. And he needed to see that damnit. I’m happy. Without you, you shithead.”
I totally get it! What I’m paranoid about is wondering if when I stalkerishly look up their pages if they know that I’m doing it. I so don’t want “him” to know that I am looking up his page! It’s just a thing we have to live with I think…I mean, when you go out you want all the dudes to think you are attractive, even though you are happy and settled down, wanting to be wanted is human nature. We already “got” our husbands, they already want us…and that’s great and we don’t want that to change, but we still wouldn’t mind getting free fries with our shakes at Braums…am I right?
May 3, 2010 at 12:23 pm
winklybink
I get paranoid too. I know technically facebook claims not to allow that but I always think that maybe it’s possible.
I have this theory that it’s a “safe” way to indulge in the whole wanting to be wanted. Because if you did it in real life and some random guy actually reciprocated it would be bad. I mean, not that you would follow through in real life or online but at least on line you can stalk without the fear of actually doing it.
Plus, I think along with angst, highschool was also really heady. All that drama! All that excitement! So returning to it a little bit (via facebook) is somewhat expected.
May 3, 2010 at 11:33 am
Samantha
Ha. Facebook makes everyone 15 again and a stalker. The trick is deciding that you don’t actually need the connection and pull away slowly. FB is the leading cause of people not learning or not remembering that instant gratification is a BAD thing! Well in my opinion. I know people I would classify as FB addicts. They are on it ALL the time and constantly sending updates. I love my friends but I really don’t need to know what you had for lunch, everyday of the week! Or where you are RIGHT now.
As for a confession:
Myspace made me a stalker once, this guy started acting like he liked me and we talked all the time via Myspace. Then one afternoon he stopped talking to me. I probably looked at his page 50 times a day for weeks till I saw his status change to “In a relationship” and since I knew it wasn’t with me I felt like I had been dumped by Myspace. I was PISSED !! It took me 6 months to stop looking him up everyday.
At least that’s the craziest I ever aloud myself to be on Myspace or FB.
Feel better girl?
P.S. I was 23 when I road the crazy train through Myspace. Glad I got my shit straight and FAST. I am 26 almost 27 now! And no longer any type of stalker.
May 3, 2010 at 12:25 pm
winklybink
Mine myspace was the BEST for that shit! I used to call it myspying. There were no privacy settings so you could stalk away. Haha, weaning yourself off is hard. I would have stalked that guy for like a year. The weird thing is that there was this one guy (from college actually, never dated, weren’t even that close or anything don’t know why I latched on…) who I always checked on myspace.
Then, refriended on facebook and I could care less. Weird.
I’m glad you got your shit together. Perhaps you just took the crazy train to the end of the line. Maybe I need to do that. Let the disease be the cure?
May 3, 2010 at 6:00 pm
aw
Isn’t it nice to know that WE are very much the same????
When I try NOT to obsess – then I obsess about not obsessing and get myself all worked up. Which is a carry over from Myspy (totally used it the same way) I HATED …. when my friend requests were rejected! OMG that would soooooooo set off the launch sequence for obsession – via cyberstalking.
Fast Forward to FB. When I signed up I decided that I would be selective in my friend requests to ensure that they would be accepted thus invites only went to those that I felt confident would accept.
Some friend request have been hastily sent — only for me to cancel moments later — can’t handle that rejection crap.
But one other very HS’ish thing I still watch BUT try really hard not to watch is, my friend count and for any decreases…… then I obsess over WHO DELETED ME????? Then I scour my list trying to see if I can identify who deleted …. sometime I figure it out sometimes I don’t.
Three cheers for being 15 again!!!!
May 4, 2010 at 9:03 am
winklybink
I obsess about not obsessing too! Like I have to tell myself, today you will NOT obsess – then I become obsessed with how non-obsessive I am. Though it never occurred to me to try and figure out who has deleted me….damn, now I wonder. I shall start paying more attention.
I never delete anyone because I fear they will find out and hate me.
May 4, 2010 at 9:54 am
Elisa
Which is the bottom line: We all want to be liked and not hated. We all want people to think of us and smile or have a good or at least semi-good memory or thought that comes to their mind. We don’t want to be the person that gets talked about negatively…ever. Wanting acceptance is human nature whether you are 15 or 40.