I’m going to make a confession.

Here it goes:

Facebook, kiiiiind of makes me feel like I’m 15. And if I’m feeling 15, then I act 15. Which is to say that suddenly I’m vain, insecure, gossipy and yes, a tad of the stalkerish.

Don’t get me wrong, I love being able to reach out to mah peeps at any given time. Post a little message. Respond to an update. I love when people share pictures of their babies or their favorite music videos.

I hate when I feel left out. I hate freaking out that I look fat in a photo and so and so from freaking highschool might look at it. I hate that I posted photos when I was breastfeeding purposefully to show off how great my boobs were (oh man, they were spectacular) but now I try to crop out all chest area. Which isn’t hard seeing as there isn’t any.

So, like the angsty adolescent years, facebook has made it more about me and less about anyone else. Am I the only one? Please say that you use it somewhat immaturely. That, at 30 years old, trying to figure out who has me hidden and why isn’t abnormal.

That wondering why so and so hasn’t responded to a friend request isn’t unheard of.  This could possibly be because I called them a slut in the message I sent with the request. But I totally meant that in a good way!

Look, I’m not giving up facebook because that would be madness. I play scrabble on there. I do enjoy it.  Just wondering what you’ve done that is soooo 15.

Here’s my confession:

I totally stalk ex-boyfriends. And I met my husband when I was 18 so these are highschool boyfriends! Most of them I didn’t ever really like in the first place but now I’m all, ‘Hmmm, he appears to be successful. I wonder what deal he made with the devil to pull -ah, I see, the exchange is his hair. Fair enough.”  But I would DIE if I knew someone was thinking that about me or stalking me.

I want people to know how awesome and successful I am so I try to drop hints on my profile page. Master’s degree people. Two kids. Husband. Suburban home….ah fuck that’s not impressive at all. That’s very everyday situation. Maybe I need to make up a band to be in? I’m very jealous of my friend who is gorgeous and in a band.  You hear me KB? I totally stalk and dress my kid like yours. So…don’t hate me.

I decide I hate people based on outward appearance. Mainly, what pages they fan or “like” or groups they join. I know. Petty.

On the other hand, facebook has reconnected me with lots of great people. I’ve discovered old friendships that I thought were gone. I get to see pictures from places I want to go. Talk to people that, even in highschool or college, I didn’t really know but now I do.

When my son Leo was born, the outpouring of congratulations and he’s so cute and good job lady was amazing. I felt connected to the world. I felt like Leo was connected in that way too. In short, the very reason I live for the internet and the internet lives for me.

Leo as a newbie. Sorry, couldn't resist. Also, aren't hospital baby hats the greatest things ever?

So what if it means, at times, being 15?

Now, make me feel better and post your facebook confessions!!!

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