And yours too. Everyones actually. Dentists are for everyone. Excepting Google but I’ll explain that in a minute.

I figured you all were just dying to know how my dental visit went. The short version is that it went and there is more of dental visiting to come. Yippee skippee. I know.

Anyway, the first hurdle was discovering that despite the fact that I swear the insurance woman told me it was Dental Dental-

Me: Ok, yes, great new cheaper dental insurance. So where can I go?

was this to be my future?

Her: There is one location within 25 miles of you.

Me: One? You mean to tell me this markedly cheaper insurance only provides ONE dentist?

Her: Yes. Dental Dental.

Me: Dental Dental? what the…is this some kind  of Sesame Street joke?

Her:…Dental Dental. In Moore?

Me: Whatever.

She was actually saying Gentle Dental. I have a crap phone at work but asking for new things makes me feel greedy and uncomfortable so I just don’t do it.

Anyway, yes, my only option. So I ask my good friend Google and Google tells me this:

Google is a liar! I drove up and down the street in a kind of panic because everyone knows that if you miss hair or dental appointments you are black listed. They will hate you forever and you can’t show your face again and charges and fees are applied but mostly, you are frowned at. Ugggh.

Luckily, I have the eyes of an eagle and spotted it on the right side of the road.

Gentle Dental is a pleasing kind of place, despite the fact that their front door is in the back. Whatever. I can work around that.

They sent me back to get x-rays. Dental x-rays are hell. I survived though. Then I was asked if I brush. I do. Then I was asked if I floss.  I do…not? Um, sometimes? Like when I eat popcorn? I feel ashamed!

Then they ask when I last saw a dentist and I’m all ‘oh, um. Four years ago?”

But the lady was super nice and told me that for that long I had good teeth. Instead of hearing the “for that long” I just hear  “good teeth” and wonder why I even came if my teeth are so goo-

“deep cavity from not flossing”

“I floss sometimes.”

“Not enough, sorry.”

I’m sorry too. 😦 She is all, ‘here I’ll get the doctor to come talk to you.’

Dr. Chang. (as in ‘me to the bed.’) Um, hello.

He does a lot of feeling my face then asks, “Do you clench your teeth or…grind?”

Oh my god! He said that! He did. Dr. Chang me to my bed totally just asked if I grind??

Awesome.

So I was all, “Yeah, I’ve been known to grind.”

But Dr. Chang is a super important Gentle dentist and he doesn’t have time for this shit. He does not approve of sexual innuendos in the place of serious (butt) clench talk. Or he just was embarrassed for me because I’m 14.

Chang: You do?

Me: Yeah, wait, what? No…um, no, grinding. Maybe some clenching? Because my life is very stressful. I’m a librarian.

Chang: Uh huh. So, we’ll do a deep clean. Then fill this cavity. Then you come back every three months until we’ve cleared you as a normal patient.

Nice.

And there you have it. I’m an abnormal dental patient but I’m determined to work up to normal and then maybe even extraordinary! I can do it!

Oh, I have a touch of the TMJ. Whatever that is. It’s not sexually transmitted though, so don’t worry.

Grind baby grind.

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