The American Idol kids I mean.

Oh, also those kids in the Oklahoma Senate.

As usual, I was a little late turning on the Idol. It was Elisa’s fault. Damn her for being all friendlike and talkative. She’s a better mom though because she let her daughter swing in the swings and I hauled Fox’s ass out of there. Look, #1. Idol was on and #2. I hate the goddamn swings. Park going is about the kids running around while we (ok, I) eat their snacks and talk about secret, important things. Swinging requires effort. Effort is annoying. PLUS, Fox gets swingsick after like two pushes. Pointless.

Anyway, I get home, turn it on and, “RuPaul!”

Only, no, it wasn’t RuPaul. You guys, it was Shania Twain!!!

What? Bitch! Are you stealing my hard earned "style"?

I have no idea what happened to this woman. I’m assuming it involves a serious lot of synthetics.

But ugggghhhh Twainbot means Country Night. And oh, lawd, did it suck.

I’m not even going to go into it. Basically, everyone was terrible. Even Chrystal and I’m beginning to think I’m wasting precious braincells on this shitshow.

Did you see it? Does anyone care anymore?

In other news, I’m going to the dentist today even though my teeth don’t hurt anymore. It was set up a long time ago (before the pain) so it’s unrelated to that. I was trying to be responsible but now I’m regretting it.

I hate the dentist. I would rather get a colonoscopy than go to the dentist.

For real.

If any of you perverts volunteer to give me the colonoscopy, I swear to the Plastic Twain God I will…let you do it. 😉