Not new street drugs.
Actually, I just need one time machine. A working one. And not the DeLorian. Shut your mouth. I really only like the second Back to the Future and that’s because it comes through on the title’s promise of actually going into the future. Guess who’s there?
Here’s my reasons and uses for a time machine:
1. Stop Orville Redenbacher from using his old, wrinkly ass face to sell me popcorn.
2. Steal the recipe for hypercolor clothing. Not use it to make lame t-shirts, instead use it to make NBA uniforms. Women everywhere are delighted when the sweaty men turn hot pink! Basketball is suddenly fun! I’m a hero!
3. Insert myself into famous photos. Except the dangerous ones.
4. Go back to watch parts of my childhood that I can’t remember.
5. Finally, warn the Doc. DUH.
What would you use a time machine for?