I’m back. So is Seacrest, or what’s left of him. He has seriously lost his damn mind.

Aaron Poor innocent Aaron. What is he even doing on this show? Adam is shocked he’s got a good voice which makes me laugh because obviously he hasn’t been watching and/or remembering the show. He basically tells Aaron to grab it by the balls. But poor innocent Aaron can’t handle that truth right now.

He’s singing “Blue Suede Shoes” and admits it might not be the song for him. He’s all unsure and sincere and puppyied. At first it’s a mess. You can tell he’s uncomfortable and his voice wavers but then he does a little, toe-in-the-water growl and the audience loves it. He’s like a plant getting a bit of sun. He opens up and really starts having fun with it, shaking his little boy hips, kind bopping around. So cute.

When the judges ask why it wasn’t the song for him he mumbles something about liquor. What? Ok, well, I give him one year to cocaine addiction. He’s so naive.

Siobhan There’s a lot of Siobhan is Adam and Adam is Siobhan talk but that’s bullshit. I mean, yes, they have the same hair but that’s all. Siobhan has taken to wearing half of her clothing. The other half is probably on the floor of her bedroom weeping tears of joy that it didn’t have to grace “The Idol Stage”. She and Adam blah blah a bit and she’s all like, “oh I love you” and he’s all like, “Bitch, you’re no Katie Stevens”.

But he knows how to work this Idol thing and smiles like Siobhan is his lost soul mate.

She’s singing “Suspicious Minds” in some mummy wrap with flair. The middle is ok. She’s got a good voice, she does. Sometimes I even like it.

The judges call her out on being confusing and she bends backwards, sticks her head up her ass and starts talking. She’s on about how she doesn’t know who she is and she just wants to sing, no labels BLAH! This is such….sweetheart, let me tell you what you are. You are a fame whore. You’re dressing up like the bride of King Ramsyaintheass because you want to be famous. Singing is irrelevant because you can do that in on the street corner. Don’t even tell me that you came on this show to score a slave record deal with no clue of what that meant. Please. Siobhan is dead to me now.

Then we get Seacrest again and he says Brian Dunkleman is hosting Idol Gives Back and everyone is all, ‘Oh, interesting, ok’. Then Ryan is like, ‘psyyyych!’ WTF? How is that even funny? It’s kind of assholish. Did he think we would all laugh? Like, ‘Oh hahaha that Dunkleman what a loser???’ NO. For those of us who remember Season 1, Brian Dunkleman was actually kind of loveable.

What a toad.

Mike He’s singing “In the Ghetto”.  I’m sure it’s very nice but every time someone sings this song all I can hear is Cartman “in the gaheetooooo”.

The judges think he justified their save. It was nice and Mikeish. I don’t think he’ll go home this week, not that he should but I think people will vote for him just because he was saved, not necessarily for the song.

Katie She and Adam click immediately. She tells him how much she hates herself/Simon and Adam just laughs, “Oh Simon.” Then they sit down and do a line but they don’t show that part. THEN they get to stompin.

Katie and her heels and her pleather and her puffy, come down face,  stomp around the stage. Yelling and getting head waggly and not understanding a fucking word of the song but so what?

The judges are kind of luke warm. I don’t know why Simon is so down on Katie.

Casey is boring.

The end. Two will go home! I’m thinking definitely Andrew but it’s a toss up for the next spot. Aaron maybe?

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