I’m not an idiot and I have a calendar app. But I felt sad that I missed it yesterday. I took the day off to run around with the boys and let Danny do a teaching thing. It was fun and frustrating. When I asked Fox if he wanted to play baseball or football he told me he wanted to play rocketball. Which makes a lot of sense since he spends so much of his time in space.
But I don’t need to talk about parenting. I want to talk about self-doubt. I almost did do something about parenting because I doubted writing about self-doubt.
So, here’s my story of thing 1:
I can’t really talk too much about thing 1 right now so don’t even ask. But while in the process of thing 1 I got not good vibes. Like I’m fucking up vibes. Now I replay it in my head every night. Every word I said. Every gesture I made. What if I had done x, y, and z differently. My face gets all embarrassed hot and it’s been 4 days! Post-thing embarrassment is the worst because it’s not like you can doing anything about it. Just sit there and be post-embarrassed. Lame. And I didn’t do anything blatant like saying Sarah Palin is a freaking wackjob. Just…a feeling. That “i suck donkey balls” feeling.
I wrote a book…kind of. It’s not a book about unicorns humping dolphins humping rainbows. It’s just a bookish thing (?) about reference sources for Oklahoma libraries. At OLA everyone can pick one up. I’m throwing up just thinking about it. What if no one likes it or thinks it’s useful? What if I got some bibliographic information wrong? It’s not any good and it’s stupid and maybe I can take my name off it before it goes to press or black it out??? eeeeeeehhhh.
This isn’t a plea for you all to come running and tell me how awesome I am. I’m just wondering what you do to combat self-doubt, especially when there’s nothing you can do about the thing(s) you are worrying about.
Also, do you believe in intuition or those feelings you get? How much do you trust them? How often are you right?