That’s cult. With an L. I’m seriously worried that people will read that “L” as an “N” and run screaming and/or expect pictures. No.

Anyway, bleach your mind, let it go, I’ve decided that being cool is an impossibility for me. Here is a reenactment of how I came to that realization. It features me played by Penelope Cruz. And my hairdresser/stylist played by someone not as pretty because I’m the stah of this mindshow.

Me (trying to make conversation):  Is this Ace of Base?

Her: Um, no. It’s actually Lady Gaga. But…I love Ace of Base.

Oh my god! Embarrassing. I try to recover.

Me: I heard Gaga tickets are really expensive. And only cool people have them, so I’m probably going to get one.

Her: I’ve got mine already. I think they’re sold out.

Aaaand scene.

So then I decide that I can be geek chic. After all, I’ve got a blog on superheroes, I named my kid Fox and I wear glasses. Then, in a freaky coincidence someone sends me this:

What the what? You need intelligence and social grace to be a geek?

Fuuuuuuuck. Ok, so I guess I’m a dork. How Lame. Dorks are lame. I hate them.

But no fear. I have decided that I will become….nefarious.

It’s brilliant really. It’s just one slight jump from obsession/ social ineptitude over to obsession/social ineptitude/attitude problem. Check. Check and Check.

Here’s a nefarious dude.

I will drop you in a piranha tank.

I have everything he has, greasy dark hair, glaring pissed off face except I’m missing an evil cat. So, I need to hold evil cat auditions.

Hmmm, not subtle enough.

This cat has trouble evading the law.

Lasers? Out the eyes and nostrils? Huh. Possibly..though lasers aren't always nefarious. They are often good. Like when they improve your eye sight or enhance a Pink Floyd show.

Not quite right yet. If you have an evil cat, send me a picture!

Finally, to be truly nefarious, I need a cult. That’s where you come in. See, it all comes back to you eventually!

I’ve decided the people in the cult will be called The Nefariati. T-shirts, stickers and Twibbons are coming. Are you game?