Seriously. Ok, Sadie here (in purple). Danny lost to me at skee ball. Everyone loses to me at this game because I’m the greatest skeeballer ever! His punishment was to talk about how awesome I am on my very own blog and here is what he provided:

Skee ball is for losers, which is perhaps why I lost to Sadie last weekend at a birthday party. (I prefer to call it “Ski Ball” but I was warned against that.)

Unbeknownst to me at the time, part of the condition of a loss in this impromptu skee ball contest was to post about it on this web log, abbreviated “blog”.  In essence, a loss to Sadie at that shitty, everything-is-broken-down kid’s entertainment center has resulted in my forced participation in a modern social phenomenon.

I’ll tell you what’s more of a phenomenon; Sadie beating me at something! I mean, I can pee while standing better than her (this is debatable), join more secret societies than she can, consistently crush her in a debate about the validity of crop circles, etc. Given the multitude of things I am better at than her, it’s only natural that she’d want me screaming from the mountain tops about my defeat in a 101 year old game your great-great grandmother used to play before purchasing her daily can of snuff and handkerchiefs to perpetually clutch from the general store.

To be fair, it was a monumental ass whoppin’. Keep in mind that this skee ball has been bastardized over the years. The game we played had traditional scoring guidelines, none of that dunk an alien and get 5000 points nonsense. I barely broke 100 points, and Sadie scored into the mid-300’s range. She truly rocked it. Many 50’s and 40’s, it was impressive. The kids waiting on us to finally finish so they could play were impressed too. If Sadie’s score is translated into weight, it looks something like this:

I chose a miniature person because Skee Ball is a miniature version of itself. If you want to read about Skee Ball’s snoozefest of a history, read it here:


So, yeah. Sadie beat me badly at Skee Ball and in return I got to post an obese midget stripper to her blog. Who is the real winner here? How’s that for some god damned free therapy? Oh, you need more therapy now? I’m so sorry.