So, my brain is not working right today.  I went to get coffee and stood there for about a minute trying to figure out why I wasn’t sipping on barf delicious Folgers.  I was really confused and concerned.  Then I realized I didn’t have a cup.  I know.  THEN I stood there for another two minutes trying to figure out a way that I wouldn’t have to walk back to my desk to get a cup.  I thought of pouring the coffee directly into my mouth but that seemed unsanitary.  You have to be sanitary in the work environment.  If you don’t then people talk about you.  People like me. Then, I thought maybe if I hurried I could take coffee in a few filters.

But, ok, I have my sweet sweet caffeine now.  I’m ready to talk.  Have a seat.  A comfy one because, well, you’re going to be here awhile.

I almost didn’t choose this topic because it seemed too personal.  But then I said fuck tit.  You guys are my soul food.  My poor leetle soul is feeling regretful.  I’m not sure why we don’t let ourselves feel regret more.  Or why the t-shirt says “No regrets”.  That t-shirt is full of t-shit.  Because, I mean, regret isn’t all or nothing.  If it was then decisions would be easy wouldn’t they?

They would be GOOD / BAD

but instead decisions are more  THIS WILL MAKE YOUR LIFE BETTER IN THIS WAY / THIS WILL CAUSE SOMETHING TO GIVE AND IT WILL SUCK

or even THIS IS GOING TO MAKE YOU MISERABLE / THIS IS GOOD FOR YOUR FAMILY / IN A FEW YEARS IT WILL GET BETTER

I’m not referring to actual decisions I’ve made, just trying to illustration how regret can play a part because decisions aren’t usually so clear.  In fact, I think we make them every day knowing we’ll regret at least part of the outcome.

Recently, I heard about a job in my former city of Atlanta.  I have major southlust.  I miss it terribly.  If I had my way I would do nothing but sip mint julips and try to get a picture of Whitney.  But we moved and it was the right thing to do.  For family, school, etc.

Look, I have my best friends in the world here in Oklahoma and I love my job.  So, it’s not that.

BUT this job in Atlanta was my dream job.  A job I had worked for really hard.  Hearing about it, in the dead of Oklahoma wtf is this winter and to find out that my cool bohemian street in Decatur now has actual children on it?  Just made me regret that decision to leave.

How do you handle regret?  I really need to know because I’ve been struggling with it.

Does anyone else look for signs when making decisions?  I know it’s cheesy but I always try to.  But then I either see too many or I think they are only clear after I make the decision.

Universe, you need to quit with the screwing around.

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