I’m posting first thing in the morning!  After some really technical analysis, I was able to determine that most of you read before the late afternoon.  This tells me lots about you.  It tells me that you are a.)  probably at work or something with access to internet and b.) you are not hungover.  Concerning.  But, responsible.  I guess those cancel each other out.

A couple days ago on my incredibly popular graphic novel blog (sporting 15 readers a day y’all!) I did a little piece about the graphic novels I lie about reading.  I thought that I might do that here too since talking about books you hate without even opening them up is judgemental.  And judgement = fun.

Here’s the top 5 books I’ve totally (not) read:

The Time Traveler's Wife1. The Time Travelers Wife – the title gets me here. I am a wife and you know what?  It’s bo’ring.  Which is good, actually.  You don’t want a drama filled marriage.  Just ask Brit.  She knows.  She should have written this book, I totally would have read it then.  Anyway, I also didn’t like the time traveling part because the only thing I hate worse than my own era (digital age holla!) is someone else’s.  Then Oprah said she reads it and that was the death knell.  I love me some O but damn, her book club is atrocious and not library friendly.   Turns out, thanks to wikipedia and the author’s heavy reliance on plot, this book is really easy to lie about.There’s also a movie. I know this because a friend was all, “Oh look a movie with Eric Bana! *squeeeel*”

Me: Who’s Eric Bana?

Friend: (looking at me like I just killed a man) You don’t know who Eric Bana is?

Me: Unless he’s a world leader I refuse to feel bad about this.

Friend: He was The Hulk.

Me: Good Hulk or Bad Hulk.

Friend: Um the bad one.

Me: Well fuck that guy then. I hate all Hulk anyway. You know who I like? Wolverine. But, he’s not cool anymore

Friend: That Origins movie sucked

For the record, this beautiful baby is Gambit.

Me: Shut the – ok, yeah it was kind of bad. Gambit was cool though.

Friend: Who’s Gambit?

Me:…

Friend: Um. Eric Bana is pretty hot.

Me: Elija-

Friend: Shut up.

Long story short? I’m not seeing the damn movie either. So there.

2. Any Jane Austen book – I thought I had escaped having to lie about this once I got out of highschool.  But nooooo some whore somewhere decide to start some kind of Austen revival.  These books are long and no one gets shipped off to space or has graphic sex.  What’s the point?

The Gunslinger (Dark Tower, #1)3. The Dark Tower series – I’m actually kind of embarrassed about this.  I’m a huge fan of Stephen King.  Oh my god, though – did anyone read Under the Dome?  Raaaalph.  I didn’t even finish it.  Sad.  Anyway, I intend to read these books…someday.

4.  The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Universe – close your mouth.  I have my reasons.

5. Marley and Me – doglover’s are freaking pit bulls (puntastic!) over this book.  About a dog.  I repeat, this entire book is about a DOG.  It got a movie made.  I’m sure it’s very heartwarming and whatnot but snooooze.  I lie about reading it though because people will hound (!!!) you to no end if you haven’t read it.  Back off bitches (aaaah!!!).

So, fess up, what books do you lie about reading?  What books will you bug people to read?  Did you read and love/hate/sleep with any of the books on this list?

If you start a book conversation with me, I’ll probably bring up The Sparrow and Feed, great books.

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