*new feature!*  Macxhole is an actual living, talking, breathing straight guy who doesn’t make me want to junk punch him…very often.  He’s been kind enough to give us a different perspective.  Think of it as immersion therapy.

First question:

Is it really possible that some of you are attracted to those of us that are soooo not “That girl”?

Without a doubt I will say yes – absolutely.

Surely at some point you’ve been attracted to someone who wouldn’t exactly qualify as “That guy.” Haven’t we all at one point had an unpredictable crush, maybe one so weird you don’t even want to tell anyone about it? Well, sometimes that makes the fascination even more compelling. You might be “That girl” to someone right now and not even know it. We hide, we pretend. We deceive. And we don’t tell our buddies everything.

But it’s an interesting question, and I’m going out on a limb with two assumptions based on how you worded it:

1) you’re feeling frustrated

2) you’re relatively young

I’m going with “frustrated” because I detect a little bitterness. And I’m guessing you’re young because with age you’ll realize a comforting truth: Her days are numbered. Girls mature faster than guys (yes Mom, you were right again) and eventually we all realize we don’t really want “That girl” after all — we want “The one.” The smart one, the funny one, the sweet one, the one you can picture raising kids with and being 70 with. Pop culture tells us who “That girl” is this week, but deep down every guy can tell the difference between her and the girl who will really take good care of him. You don’t want to waste your time with some poor dick too shallow to tell the difference. I don’t believe we’re even sure who “That girl” really is, or if she even exists at all. The weird part is, there’s always the chance you are her.

Watch out, Jessica - the Chinese are coming to scrape your face off!

This topic immediately made me think of the news blurb this week about the Chinese girl who wants to have plastic surgery to look like Jessica Alba (and why is shit like this “news”? Oh, right – thanks, internet). It’s heartbreaking to think she’s willing to do this out of love for her Alba-obsessed douche of a boyfriend, and even more bizarre that her own friends suggested the idea in the first place. In a twisted way it’s tragically romantic. It is also rootin’ tootin’ batshit crazy. Nevertheless — imagine someone wanting you so badly they’d volunteer to surgically transform their face to your liking. Their FACE! See? It’s so very sad.

I guess my point is this: To the tool who dumped his girlfriend so he’d have more time to masturbate to his Fantastic Four posters, Jessica Alba is “That girl.” But to the psycho girlfriend, he is “That guy.” So what makes him so special? I guess you’d have to ask her. And my dismay at this scenario can’t even compare to the poor chinese kid who might have been in love with this girl, just the way she is, for years.

No, we don’t all have the same idea of who “That girl” is, which should come as great news if you’re feeling forced to compete out of your league. Maybe it’s our clumsy pride that compels us to seek out someone unique, someone we can have all to ourselves. Maturing to that stage takes so much concentration that by then we’ll forget to compare you to “Those girls”, and you’ll be able to tell.

The media will never stop trying to program us to emulate absurd sex images, but so far we’ve managed to trump this with the need to love and be loved by a real human being.  It’s either that or carve up your face to look a celebrity, in which case I’d suggest someone dead who can’t sue you.

— Macxhole!