I have to listen to the radio driving into work.  Have to.  Because I need the traffic report!  I swear to god.  It’s not to try and catch Taylor Swift’s catchy song about bleachers and sneakers.  Did I  say catchy?  I mean, suck, that song sucks I hate her.  (psst, Taytay – not really, I kind of love you, call me!)

Aaaaaaahh! Owls are creepy!

Sometimes I hear this song by some group called Owl City.  Nevermind that a city full of owls is the stuff of nightmares, they also have a deceptive song.  It starts out all boppy and kind of clubby but not annoying club you know?  Then you start listening to it and you are all “what the what is this?”

Here’s a running stream of my thoughts during this song (I’m in purple or if you are reading this from a feed, I’m after the “-” or you can tell it’s me because I’m would never say the batshit crazy things this song says):

You would not believe your eyes
If ten million fireflies
Lit up the world as I fell asleep     – Ten million?  Are you sure, because people are notoriously bad guessimators after about 100.  So you are probably off here.  Also, where the fuck are you and remind me to never go there because fireflies are pretty but they are still bugs.  Owl City.  Yikes.

‘Cause they’d fill the open air
And leave teardrops everywhere – fireflies don’t cry…

You’d think me rude
But I would just stand and stare  – why would I think you were rude for staring at a questionable number of fireflies?  It’s not like they’re people in wheelchairs.

I’d like to make myself believe
That planet Earth turns slowly
It’s hard to say that I’d rather stay
Awake when I’m asleep
‘Cause everything is never as it seems  – what the WHAT?  This is the chorus by the way so you have to hear it like fifty times.

‘Cause I’d get a thousand hugs
From ten thousand lightning bugs  – so much going on here.  First, is it a million or ten thousand?  Secondly, you can not get a thousand hugs from ten thousand, the math doesn’t work.  Thirdly, fireflies don’t hug.  They flash and die.

As they tried to teach me how to dance
A foxtrot above my head
A sock hop beneath my bed
A disco ball is just hanging by a thread – don’t stand under that disco ball

Leave my door open just a crack
(Please take me away from here)
‘Cause I feel like such an insomniac
(Please take me away from here)
Why do I tire of counting sheep
(Please take me away from here)
When I’m far too tired to fall asleep   – counting sheep is boring

To ten million fireflies
I’m weird ’cause I hate goodbyes
I got misty eyes as they said farewell – back to ten million are we?  well ok then.  You aren’t weird for hating goodbyes, in fact, you are the opposite.

But I’ll know where several are
If my dreams get real bizarre
‘Cause I saved a few and I keep them in a jar – HOARDER ALERT!

It’s hard to say that I’d rather stay
Awake when I’m asleep
Because my dreams are bursting at the seams – you are not dreaming, you are tripping balls.

This song drives me crazy.